Trade Mistakes...

I fill the room in this body... deserted, my organs can go on without me... you can't fly these wings... you can't sleep in this box with me... let me save you hold this rope...

This has been a heck of a week. Like seriously, a HECK of a week. Emotions have run the gamut. I have gone from high to low and back to high again. That's cool with me. Emotions mean that I still feel. That I am alive. That I am blessed even when I think the world is crumbling around me. I take the bad and I try to see the good in it. And yea, I'm gonna go ahead and give myself credit for that. Everything does happen for a reason. I will always believe that no matter what anyone says.

I am getting to the point in my life where I am seeing everything for exactly what it is. Including myself. I am crazy. I know it. I embrace it. Everybody's got a little crazy in them. It's embracing the normal crazy that provides personal victory. I am a lunatic, but I'm not like anyone else you've ever met and that makes me feel good on a really bad day. That probably sounds so lame, but my struggles have made me this person. And my struggles don't define me, but they brought me here and I'm proud I made it. And I believe that anyone who makes it through a personal struggle or a life time of struggles should be a little proud of themselves. You get to do that much.

What I don't like is being tested. I don't like when people test me and my boundaries. I don't like when people say things to see what my reaction will be. To test me is to push me away. It's when you say something and your only reason for saying it is to see what my reaction will be, then you're a jerk. I don't test people anymore. I did that shit when I was a teenager and it NEVER worked out right. I realized how stupid I was for doing that. If you want something, just say it. Don't test people. It pushes them away. It's a fact at this point in my life.

This week was a heck of a week. It made me realize that there is so much more to life than what I've been dealing with. It made me realize that no matter what, someone will always find ways to blame you for shit that happens in their lives. And it made me realize that I have some of the most wonderful people in my life and I am truly blessed. I am not saying that just to say it. It's the people in my life who make me happy that deserve my attention and emotion. It's the people who keep me in check. It's the new babies, sister date nights, friend graduating with her masters degree, awesome dress rehearsals, upcoming recitals showcasing all the hard work for the last 9 months, conversation with friends and being loved that make me realize how wonderful life can be. I can live without the drama and the unspoken words and the reasons for being mad at me that are so stupid they don't even make sense.

I am human and I make mistakes. I am far from perfect, but never EVER claim to be. And as long as I keep making mistakes and taking everything for exactly what it is, then I know I'm going to keep on keeping on. It's the only way I know how...

Thanks for reading...

I am an anchor, sinking on...